Thursday, April 28, 2011

Time...

11 weeks

Now that I'm getting my head together, I can laugh at my naivety. I can laugh at all the times I complained about being tired and about being exhausted. In fact I can laugh at lots of things that I never knew about at all. I had no idea are the words that keep coming to mind. I can laugh about the way I spent all of my twenties figuring out what I wanted to do or be, as if there was some magical occupation that would provide food, intellectual fulfillment and be 100% painless. I can say that my desire to have a baby was biological- I didn't think for one minute of the crying, the lack of sleep, the worry. I just pictured the beautiful baby.

But all of this aside, all of the tears, the sleeplessness, confusion, worry, loneliness during the long long days, bewilderment and at times, resentment, everything they say is true, it is the best thing I've ever been involved in. Joe and I are amazed that having a little family is so so nice, so cozy, so lovely, so warm, so beautiful.

B.

7 comments:

Karen Wilson said...

I can see that your cat watches over baby with the same distance ours does ;)

Ladybug said...

I'm a big fan of your work! When I saw this post on the blog I remenbered my 5 years old son when he was a baby! The feeling its just that!!! We never expected the sleepless nights, the worry, the feeling that: I'm I really capable of raising a child??!!! But in the end it's the best thing in the world... Congratulations! Your baby girl is beautiful and you are an excellent mother!

yardage girl said...

I remember thinking the exact same thing ... I had no idea what tired was until we had a little one!! Glad you are enjoying it though. The good news is that it does get easier/we adapt better! Thanks for dropping in on my blog - nice to hear you're from Narromine - it's a pretty little town and has really improved in the last few years (not sure if you've been back). Dubbo is still the same - we call it Dubvegas! Cheers, Nic x

june at noon said...

Yup, that sums it up pretty well! Even if you *think* you know ahead of time, like I did, you never really do! I promise, though, that soon enough you'll realize you've really found your groove, and even though there will still be challenges and sleepless nights, it will feel so much more easy to manage. Glad you're able to enjoy it all the same--it goes so ridiculously fast!

Yana said...

I agree with you there! I had no idea too :) But it is definitely worth it. I love my little girl and I could not imagine not having her. It does get easier though as time goes by, so hang in there. :) xoxox

Suzy said...

Oooh, you say it so well! I think every new mother feels the same way. The good news is the second one is somehow so much simpler... even juggling two is easier than the first. I think because I am more confident, and knew what to expect.
I'm glad you're enjoying your beautiful little one. It is so hard, but so worth it.

Caroline said...

I've never been really able to put into words all the feelings and stuff that went around in my head after having a baby - you say some of it so, so well here. Five years after the first one came along I am due to have my second, I'm already wondering how I'm going to go back in newborn land - not knowing before your first is kind of like forgetting it all once its over with and then going back again! Take your time, we're still reading your blog when you get the chance to post. :)