Thursday, May 13, 2010

Bitter Sweet.

Things are good for me right now. I'm a bit of an all over the place, emotionally-rollerly-coasterly type person at the best of times, but it seems at last that things are coming together. When people ask me what I do, I say I make dolls with a little grin on my face, because I know it sounds funny. In the past I've always been in the middle of something that was leading somewhere else, and what I did was either quickly and inaccurately explained, or explained over several hours incorporating quotes and references from the book I was reading at the time. 'The Real World', which I keep hearing about, has never much been my thing.

But anyway, I seem to be making my life as a grown up work. I'm not really ticking any of the boxes that we were brought up to want to tick like marriage, children, career, mortgage, new car, attempt to win lotto and so on and so forth, although I would like to tick some of them eventually... but I'm no longer prone to crippling bouts of depression and/or anxiety, I feel calm, and that's enough for me right now.

The funny thing is, and I don't mean funny 'ha ha', is that some of the most important people aren't here to see me pull it all together, especially since I know they'd be the proudest, the most supportive, and possibly the most useful!

I don't want to make a soppy. morbid post, I just want to say that there are some types of friendship that are so important, and I had one of those. Sometimes I feel ripped off by the universe, and yesterday was one of those days. I just need to remember that some people never make friends with people they really, really click with, and I did. 

Oh Nellie! The things I'd tell you if you were here! xxx.



ittybittyandpretty said...

you just made me cry...i have a 'nellie' her name is anne and she died 10 years ago of leukaemia. i 'talk' to her all the time. i miss her smile and love of life. i can still hear her crazy laugh that would fill a room. my girls even have the 'annie special' when i feel low...we go to KFC and have a bread roll filled with chips and slathered in gravy. that was our staple diet all through uni cause thats all we could afford.
nellie is with you and would be so proud of you.

Nic @ yardage girl said...

What a lovely post and a good reminder of the really important things in life. A tear or two on a Thursday is no bad thing. Thanks so much for sharing. Nic x

Virginia said...

I understand. Completely.
Although I'm not so sure about the whole "making my life as a grown up work" thing for myself.
I don't feel like a grown up most days.

Christina said...

Your post made me shiver. I've suffered from depression and anxiety attacks and I am ticking those boxes, but how they have changed from what I thought they were going to be.

gretchen/juneatnoon said...

Friends like that are hard to come by. So sorry you're feeling the loss, but glad you're making it work as a grown up (even if for some of us that means doing things that are not so grown up, like playing with dolls!). ;)

Mitsy/ArtMind said...

Beautiful post & even though Nellie is not around, I'm sure you still tell her things.
I recognise a lot in what you write - you word it all so well. Thanks Blinkie! ;)

Kelly said...

Oh I don't know what to say except I'm sorry things turned out the way they did with your special friend.
On another note, I am glad for you that you are getting things moving in the right direction in your life. How awesome would that be to say that you make dolls? And amazing ones at that!