Tuesday, July 19, 2011

My Resignation.

So I don't blog much anymore, I'd like to do it more often, but I guess that's just how things are for me at the moment. I keep hearing about babies who sleep through the night, who play happily on the floor on their own, who amuse themselves, who don't roll or tummy crawl, who don't try and lever themselves out of their bouncers. Who don't need to be standing up to be content, who don't suck on their Mummy's face (leaving her looking like a victim of domestic violence), I've even heard that some babies have reasonably long naps in the daytime, and that when you take them to visit with people, they just kind of hang out and go with the flow. And I used to read this blog called While She Naps, which led me to believe that I would have a little time to sew pretty things and get housework done when the baby arrived.

But I don't.

I have a firecracker of a baby, and at 5 months she's still waking up 3 times a night, she seemed to be improving before we moved house, but as nice as the new place is, it's new, with new sounds and sights, and noisy kids who jump on our roof (they live upstairs) well into the night, and things go bump, and babies wake up, and it's taken me a bit of time to get used to the new temperature here and to bundle her up a little more as winter progresses, and so on and so forth.

And there was a time there where I was feeling pretty darn strung out. I was watching other people's chilled out babies, and listening to all these 'sleeping through' stories, and reading and re-reading books about how to make it happen. And I'd be lying if I said that I wouldn't be forever thankful to the universe if she just calmed down, chilled out and started to enjoy sleep a bit more, but it occurred to me one day a little while ago, that I don't really have a lot else to do besides look after her. And this time is going quickly- like really quickly- and rather than wish it away for the sake of convenience and getting stuff done, I could just be the one to calm down and go with the flow... and I think I have, and life has gotten so much better.

So she's high maintenance, you definitely know when she's in the room, and sometimes I worry that friends and strangers think I'm mean to her because she really lets fly when she's unhappy or tired, but she laughs and smiles all the time. And right now I'm the person who can make most things better for her, and who knows how long that will last, so I'm just going to try and soak it up while I can.



And yes, her shrug is on upside down, but I assure you she moves very quickly!



Cindy said...

i really don't like to give advice but don't be afraid to maybe look into sleep school if you feel it would help. Caleb was really full on for at least the first 6 months and I would think "people have more than one it has to get better than this" and it does - slowly. Enjoying it all as much as you can is all you can do.
PS. She is gorgeous!

june at noon said...

You sound so, so much like me and my first baby (also a girl). I was always told newborn babies just napped when they were tired; she didn't. I heard all the sleep theories and read all the books; they didn't work. She just didn't sleep well. And I spent a lot of time and energy worrying about it. But, like you, I eventually realized if it wasn't going to change (after all, you can't force anyone to sleep, and babies shouldn't be expected to be born with adult sleep habits anyway), I might as well learn to go with it instead.

Suddenly, the stress went away, because it was all ok just as it was. She napped in her swing or in the sling for the first year, the only places she'd sleep, and she didn't sleep long. After that, I took naps with her in my bed, which worked really well, and I didn't mind the extra rest.

We co-slept, either with her in our bed or in a cradle near our bed, depending on what worked at the moment. And, miracle of miracles, at 9 months she just started sleeping all night in her own bed. I was shocked.

She was a high-maintenance baby and early on I spent a lot of time worrying about everything that was "supposed" to be a certain way; then when I was able to relax and let go, it got easier. And it taught me a lot about accepting a situation and working within it, which came in handy with the second baby, who slept beautifully for the first six months and then quit entirely. :)

Good luck, Rebecca. It sounds like you're doing just fine. (And if you ever need to commiserate, I'm around.)

inkie-mumma said...

my daughter (my first) sucked at the whole good baby bit. I thought I would die from lack of sleep. I'm sure a part of me did.

I'd like to give you hope, but she didn't start sleeping better till I gave up at 18 months and put her in bed with us (oh god that was such fun) We kicked her out at 2.5 lol

shes never been the best sleeper but now she has a tv and dvd player and has the sence to leave us alone at night (shes now 9)

this too will pass

Anonymous said...

You are doing wonderfully. You are not alone. Your baby is gorgeous and obviously thriving under your love and guidance. This time will pass quicker than you imagine.

Michelle said...

HI Rebecca, I can really sympathise with you - while my daughter slept pretty well at night, with some backsliding here and there, she never slept for more than 20 minutes at a time during the day, she was never an 'easy baby', she was never the sort of kid you could just take out to a cafe - in short, while she was totally gorgeous, she was very hard work, and when you're at home alone all day with a little one, it can feel incredibly isolating and lonely. I nearly lost it lots of times and I was getting some uninterrupted sleep at night! You're doing great and you will get through it all - and it does go really quickly, so take lots of pictures and videos and enjoy!

Yana said...

she is so cute and i can't believe she is already tummy crawling! she may not be sleeping as long as you would like but she sure is developing well :) and don't worry about not having time to blog or do things. it will gradually change (i'm sure) and you will get back into it :) just relax and enjoy this special time :) xx

sophie said...

Sounds like you have found a good space. I can relate the no sleep/constant feeding baby. I bit the bullet and put baby in bed with me just to make life a little easier. I most definitely slept when she did (and she always slept better with me) and gave up trying to do stuff when she was sleeping.

I hope it helps to know you are not alone.

She is divine - just gorgeous.

Carmen said...

I too totally understand how you are feeling. both of my babies were/are terrible sleepers and woke every 1-2 hours until they were 10+ months old. I too had to learn not to expect too much of myself, stop comparing myself to others and other babies, and remember to enjoy the beautiful and precious gift of 'now'. Our babies truly do grow and change so quickly. Look after yourself, and know that this is just for a season... xx

DangAndBlast! said...

What a sweet little shrug! Hope the sleeping has gotten better in the past month...

Pizz~0h said...

Oh my stars, Becca, She'sAMAZING! Wow.. I would love too see you guys and spoil her with love and pressies. Spoil is such a silly word, really, it's only what they deserve ;)

Hah, reading these comms it's interesting majority have girls, my girl was the same. Literally not once did I get to sleep more than 20 mins in a row. Day or night, for months. Because even if she was sleeping a little longer she'd breath, and maybe, was that +gasp+ stop breathing.. ... oh no, there she goes *phew*holding mirror under her nose to see breath fog* haha
But then, sometime at around 12 months I found myself vacuuming around her cot in the day, youknow, maybe she should wake up now, the house has been quiet for too long and I miss that baby trying to eat moths! ha! (I never actually woke her up-sound mean!) But the sentiment comes accross, jes?

but it occurred to me one day a little while ago, that I don't really have a lot else to do besides look after her. And this time is going quickly- like really quickly- and rather than wish it away for the sake of convenience and getting stuff done, I could just be the one to calm down and go with the flow... and I think I have, and life has gotten so much better.
That's all the battle won right there. You and Joe are some of my favourite people EVAR, and I just know you will go from strength to strength, because you deserve it, and it suits you to be oh so happy, making your little corner of the world, and in turn the greater world, a much better place. Miss you, but always in my heart and mind. Kiss each other for me, and thank you for being one to still send love out on the airwaves to our lost boy. It makes me feel very calm to know there's some friends not mixing grief with misplaced negativity. Mmyup. Love!

Sian xx

leslie said...

i can totally relate to your sleep and high maintenance baby issues. my first daughter was much the same and it was a complete shock to both my husband and i that there was literally nothing that we could do about it. she had all her day naps in a swing for the first nine months of her life, we tip toed around and lived in fear of the dog barking whenever she was finally asleep. we tried all the methods to get her to sleep and i finally just accepted that it was out of my hands. she finally slept through at 18 months, she's three now and actually a pretty decent sleeper, although she still will only got to sleep when she is ready, there is no point trying otherwise (it still awes me that she'll say she WANTS to go to bed but she does, every night). anyway, just wanted to reassure you that is it not you, some babies are just had work. but they get better and better from five months, more fun, more laughs, more personality and, hopefully, more sleep. hang in there!